I think there is a lot of things about being a single parent that is tough, but for me the hardest part is not having someone to do things with. You are a pair, rather than a group. You are one to one, rather than a team against your children, this can be everything from meals out, trips to the cinema, days out and holidays.
Most of the time the easiest way to combat this is doing things in groups - so going with another mum and child etc. But it can get to a point where you feel like a burden, especially when going away somewhere - especially when they are in relationships. Asking them if they would like to go away and knowing they would rather be away just them... that feeling of just not 100% happy.
So AJ & I have gotten very used to doing most things just the two of us, we can go into town, we can go to the cinema, we can eat out, we can have a good time just me and him - but a holiday is always something I have been scared to do. The whole idea of getting on a plane, travelling, just us - absolutely terrifying.
I suppose I could have gone abroad alone for the first time, but childcare is an issue, and I get more worried about leaving him here with me away, rather than us just being together - it just seemed silly for me to go alone, when I would feel so guilty leaving him behind.
My anxiety can be a nightmare at the best of times, but the idea of getting on a plane to a different country, travelling thousands of miles to somewhere I have never been before makes me feel a little sick with all the "What ifs". I think the main concern initially is safety. Travelling alone can be daunting enough for some, so the idea of taking a totally reliant 6 year old is even more nerve wracking. Sure AJ is at the point he wont run off and understands the basic safety instructions - but still. What if.
But I think I have decided I am done being worried on the bad "What ifs" I mean what if we have a good time? What if AJ gets to see a country he has never seen before and loves it? What if it brings us closer together? What if he gains memories of us somewhere he will never forget? What if he learns about other cultures and cities? What if this is just the beginning?
I am done wishing. I am done wishing I could go away, why wish when we can? Sure it'll be harder than a couple holiday - but its something that we are used to, and I'm sure we will have an amazing time. - I just need to be brave.
So AJ & I are going to Berlin for the Christmas Markets in December. He has already decided we are going to Lego Land there - which I am happy with. We are going for 3 nights, just enough to see the city, and not long enough to be too scary.
We will fill our days with sight seeing, and our nights in a swanky hotel watching movies.
If you are thinking WHY? Check out this video from Sawyer Hartman, skip to 9.30 in, he puts it beautifully... and I would be the happiest Mum if AJ can look back like this about our time together - Just like I look back on my holiday with my Mum.
Have you ever been away alone or with a child? Or do you have any holidays booked in this year? Any Berlin recommendations? Let me know in the comments below :)
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